My Friend Roy

"But you, my dear friends, must build yourselves up on the foundation of your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit; keep yourself within the love of God and wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to give you eternal life."
- Jude 1:20-21  

Between the ages of 11 and 13 I had a very good friend. His name was Roy Ankeny. Before I continue there are a few things you need to know about Roy: 

1. He was 57 when we met.

2. He came into the Catholic Church at Easter of 2007.

3. He took St. Jude (patron saint of hopeless causes) as his confirmation name.

4. He was a poet and an author.

5. He struggled with bipolar disorder. 

Now I'm sure some of the details aren't going to be exactly correct but this post isn't about the details, it's about Roy.

I first met Roy at Mimi's Cafe in Albuquerque, New Mexico. He was on his way home from a retreat that my dad was also participating in and my mom and I decided to meet them for breakfast or lunch. At some point during this lunch, Roy must have asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. For my entire life before that point (and really until I was a freshman in college) I wanted to work at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital in Memphis, Tennessee. It was there that I learned about Roy's intense and beautiful devotion to this patron saint of hopeless causes.

In one of the first letters he ever wrote to me he told me that he looked for every charity that took St. Jude as their patron and sent money to that cause...it didn't matter what it was. Because of this he got tons of mail from all of these organizations--address labels, thank you cards, prayer cards, mass intentions--and he started gifting all of this mail to me.

Christmas of 2008 Roy gave me the very best of presents: a pair of white, men's crew socks, a toothbrush, and $10 (so I could buy myself something real nice). He didn't have much so he gave everything he had because he knew the value of simply giving of yourself.

The $10 bill is the same one that Roy gave me in that gift.

Roy had an ardent desire to get to know people. Below is a picture of a Questionnaire he asked me to fill out. It must have been in the last package of letters, poems, prayer cards, and pictures he sent because I never got it back to him. On the back he asked me my favorite colors, favorite restaurants, and what my hobbies were. I very clearly remember filling this out and thinking "Why does Roy care about these things?" Looking back now I realize that Roy cared about those things because he cared about me.

Roy was incredibly proud to be part of the Catholic Church. He wore his baptismal garment to Mass every day for months after he was baptized just to show every one that he had become a member of the one, true Church. Each of his notes to me were full of love for Christ, His Church, and the saints. He wrote something entitled "The Communion of Saints: It's Real!" about how we are all a part of something much bigger, much more Beautiful, and filled with much more Good than what we are right now. He understood the love of God in a profound way because Roy experienced immense suffering throughout his life. He knew that there was a reason for his suffering and he anticipated the glory of eternal life with Christ. He knew how to humble himself at the foot of the Cross, admit his faults, and ask for mercy and guidance.

Roy right before his baptism. He gave this picture to me because we're both in it.

Roy apologized often. I think every note I have from his includes some sort of apology. I remember reading them and thinking "What in the world is Roy talking about? When did this happen?" But these apologies were not superficial or trivial. They were overflowing with earnestness and candor. He apologized because he was acutely aware of the way he made others feel and of the consequences of his actions. I think we can all learn something from that.


It has taken me 9 years to realize how blessed I am to have had a friend like Roy. He was selfless, kind, thoughtful, and conscious of the way he made others feel. As a kid, I always knew there was something "special" about Roy but I would have never guessed that he had bipolar disorder. All I knew was that he was nice to me, had a devotion to the same saint as I did, sent me snail mail, and that we both needed a friend at the time. I think about Roy often and I dig through my closet to find my box labeled "Roy Things". But "Roy Things" are more than a box of papers--they are extraordinary love, breathtaking sincerity, true humility, and authentic friendship.

How Roy saw himself.

Thank you so much for your friendship, Roy.

Dedicated to Roy W. Ankeny
1950 - March 1, 2009