Choosing Joy

"I have found the paradox: if you love until it hurts there can be no more hurt, only more love"

-St. Mother Teresa-

I apologize for not posting as much as I said I would.  I’ll get better at it…I think…some day. No promises.

Lately I’ve been writing more than ever…I feel like I’ve even been writing in my sleep….but I’ve also had a difficult time finding anything I write that is worth sharing. So this is just a little update on Spain and life in general. 

I was able to go home (New Mexico) for a wonderful 18 days at Christmas time. It was the most time I’ve spent in New Mexico since Christmas Break of 2013/2014 and I couldn’t be more grateful for the opportunity to be home. For so long I took New Mexico for granted—I never wanted to return because in my mind I’d outgrown it. But going home for Christmas really showed me how lucky I am to have grown up there. Not everyone gets to grow up in a place that values family, tradition, and faith in the same way that the New Mexican culture does. I got on the plane to leave (two times….also grateful for bad weather and cancelled flights) with a greater appreciation for the place I called home for the better part of my life. 

Yes, I stole this from you, Ralph :)

I still love teaching. In fact, I can’t imagine myself doing anything else for the rest of my life. Even though I prefer teaching older students, I love walking into the preschool and being attacked by 5 year olds yelling “Miss Mascota” (they don’t quite have a handle on Dakota). Listening to “The Wheels on the Bus” for 30 minutes seems like a small price to pay for getting to hold a 3-year-old’s hand for those same 30 minutes. 

Evidence of being attacked by 5 year olds

My first graders have long forgotten the story they made up about me being abandoned by my husband and kids. When I got back from New Mexico they asked if I have a boyfriend (yes), if I’m married (no), if I’m a mother (no), if I’m the child of someone (yes). When I told them yes, I am the child of someone they all looked at one another with these enormous grins. They said over and over again “She’s a niña (child)! Just like we are!” They identify themselves as children so when I was able to share in that identification they recognized that we are more alike than different. It made me realize that it isn’t necessary to have a deep conversation with someone to make a meaningful connection.  

I'm not sure what they're making but they sure are cute!

Since September the 4th graders have been working on a project to encourage all the students to keep the playground clean. The entire project was done in English. The girls worked on creating a story about the playground, helped me write a song (to the tune of Shut Up and Dance), and prepared a presentation. This past week I was able to see the culmination of all their hard work. Together we visited all the classrooms and presented the 4th Grade Playground Project. <——- You can click there if you’d like to watch the video.

A few weeks ago the school hosted “English Week” so all the girls got to spend a whole week doing lessons only in English. A group called Home-to-Home came to the school and--depending on grade level--taught lessons on culture, history, and science all in English. It was a great opportunity for the girls to spend time learning English in a more diverse way. They were introduced to more people from around the world, they had the opportunity to discover some of the history of the language they're learning, and they got to participate in tons of fun activities. My job for the week was to be available to help the teachers from Home-to-Home with whatever they needed. I was also able to keep the school's blog updated with pictures of the girls. 

Preparing a presentation about English-speaking countries

Spending time with the older girls (8th grade and up) is when I really feel like I’m living out my dream. They never cease to amaze or surprise me with the questions they ask. The first week back from Christmas break, one of my seniors asked me “Do you think your friends and family saw a big difference in your confidence?” Another asked, “What is the one personality characteristic that most offends you?” We’ve talked about the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. In the midst of all this we review vocabulary, American and British culture, and verb tenses (did you know there are 4 different conditional forms, because I definitely didn’t know that until last week). My hope is that they learn a lot from me but I still know that they are teaching me far more than I am teaching them. I wish there was an easy answer for every question I’m asked—from “What do you consider to be your biggest accomplishment?” to “What’s the difference between future perfect, future continuous, and future perfect continuous?” but the truth is I very rarely know the answers. But somehow, that’s okay. I'm slowly learning that it’s okay to not have an answer to everything because that's when faith comes in. 

Talking about the United States' government

The last six weeks haven’t been easy. In fact, they’ve been anything but easy. I’ve been really struggling with missing my family and my friends. It’s difficult for me to admit that I’m having a rough time—after all, I’m the one who made the decision to come to Spain so am I really allowed to complain? But the thing that I'm beginning to learn is that without bad days or bad moments or bad weeks, I wouldn't know how to appreciate the all the good that life brings. These six weeks have taught me that joy is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Love is a choice. So every day I’m choosing to find the joy in wearing short sleeve shirts, seeing my students’ hard work pay off, and being woken up by international phone calls. I’m choosing to recognize the kindness in being bombarded by questions from 4th graders every day, hearing “Hola, que tal” first thing in the morning, and getting kisses from 3-year-olds. 

I’m choosing to love across oceans. 

I’m choosing to love until it hurts. 

You may not be in Spain, but you are always an enormous source of joy, kindness, and love.