Home: Mermaid on Land

“The magic thing about home is that it feels good to leave, and it feels even better to come back.”

I thought the blog things would just be for my semester abroad, but I’ve realized that I have a lot more to say and that writing has been a really positive outlet for me. I guess I’ll start with a sort of reflection on the last few months.

When I first started this blog I named it Mermaid on Land because a mermaid on land is out of place. I thought it described what I was about to experience perfectly…what’s more out of place than an American student studying abroad in a small town in Austria? I’ll tell you what’s more out of place: an American student whose life was changed by studying abroad when she’s back in America, a second semester senior in a 400 level english class when she’s never taken an english class before, an introvert in a class that requires her to take videos of herself interviewing someone else and then present that video to the rest of the class, a New Mexican/Floridian stuck in Ohio for another winter. I guess that just goes to show that no matter where you are in life there’s always a bit of that “mermaid on land” feeling. 


I’ve been back in the United States for almost 4 months now. But I can feel my heart tugging at me from all the different cities I visited. I was warned that would happen. Am I sad? No. I was really ready to come home. I think the best way to explain my state of mind right now is in transition. The first half of this semester was about transitioning from life in Gaming, Austria to life in Steubenville, OH. The second half of this semester has been about transitioning from life as a college student to life as a pseudo adult. I say “pseudo adult” because I don’t feel like I’m ready to be a real adult yet. But I’m making plans to live in Spain for almost a year. And I’m making up back up plans to get a job (hopefully teaching of some kind) in the States. Those seem like adult decisions and adult plans. It’s scary. Even though it’s scary I’m beyond excited. I’ve been checking my email obsessively in hopes of receiving an acceptance letter into the program of my dreams in Spain. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more ready for something in my life. 

The real struggle has been living in the present. It seems so easy, I mean where else can you live, right? But it’s hard. My mind is in other places…it’s in Spain, it’s in Florida working for the summer, it’s wondering how in the world I’m going to live without the friends I’ve made in school. My motivation level for writing my thesis is about a 4% and my motivation level for writing any other paper that’s due this month isn’t much higher. It’s cold and rainy so all I want to do is snuggle up with my roommate, order pizza, drink hot chocolate, and watch Netflix all day. On the weekends all I want to do is go out with my friends and have the time of my life, so I do. But then I come back to a week of responsibilities. Even though I want to be at Hofbräuhaus drinking Dunkel, Zalenski’s eating wings, or at the mall shopping for a graduation dress I know my assigned place right now is the library. Please pray for me as I finish this semester “with a bang” as my Mama and Daddy like to say. 

So I guess here’s to checking my email 73,104 times a day, writing five more essays (five?!), studying for one more test, buying graduation attire, preparing for my last formal, and truly living in the present for 34 more days.

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